I have been thinking about what to post on this blog and exactly what slant to exploit. When it hit me, I laughed and realized that a blog spot on a website might not be enough since I can probably write a book or six on the topic.
Most of you that know me are familiar with the fact that I hate many things on this wretched planet, which range wildly from babies and brightly lit spaces, to fat people and pompous police officers.
I think I’ve mentioned to some of you before, that there are two things that I truly despise: traffic lights that happen to be red when I pull up to the intersection, and those moronic people that try to sell you flowers while you are sitting at a restaurant or while socializing at a club or bar.
I will not start my first ‘blog-rant’ with a discussion of the two aforementioned topics, although just thinking about them makes me shake my head in shame and my fist in anger. These will be the topic of further venting. Today I will discuss a topic that has, only a few hours ago, lit a flame of raging proportions within my psyche.
I will express my dilemma in the form of a question: Why is it that people in this city think that the left lane is for casual driving?
Whether it be the 417 or any of the myriad of 2 or 3 lane roads or smaller highways, why must people insist on floating exactly on the speed limit (or lower!) while traveling in the left passing lane. Is everybody in this city driving stoned?
Those of you who have a driver’s license must remember those nerve racking days when you were 16 spent studying the province’s “driver’s guide”. Years after the written test and actual driving test, people can manage to remember many pointless facts, for example that “if you are at a four way stop and a police car, an ambulance, and a Canada Post truck are all at the intersection at the same time”, that the god damn Canada Post truck has the right of way since ‘nothing gets in the way of the Queen’s mail’. In reality, no four vehicles ever pull up to a four way stop at exactly the same time, let alone an ambulance, a police car and a Canada Post Truck. And if by some weird twist of fate, this scenario does play out in the real world exactly as described in the driver’s guide, I would let the police car go first and then bolt it through the intersection. Nobody uses Canada Post today anyway except for old people that don’t know what email is. But I digress.
It’s funny how most can remember that type of drivel but they can remember that you should not be driving in the left lane as it is for passing. The key word here being passing!
Another facet of the driving test and a social right of passage is the actual in-car driving test. At the time of testing, EVERYBODY knows that they can not linger in the left lane and need to get into the right lane as soon as possible (for those of you that have forgot, the right lane is the driving lane). If you do not get into the right lane as quickly as possible you stand to lose a whole bunch of points on your driving test. After the test however, most people tend to forget this little fact and eventually end up pissing me off while I’m driving behind them.
The longest period of time that I should be riding your ass in the left lane should be no more than 9 seconds. This is the time that Young Drivers notes as the frequency that one should check the development of traffic in their rear view mirrors. If you do look up and see someone wanting to pass you, you should get into the right lane and let them pass. If you look in your mirror and note that someone wants to pass and you continue to drive on in the left lane without increasing your speed, you are a moron and will receive my eye’s most angered set of daggers.
It’s funny how this phenomenon of oblivious drivers does not happen in any of the European centers that I have had the luxury to drive around in. This seems to be an Ottawa, or Canada in general, specific disorder.
If you feel like driving below or exactly on the speed limit, save your driving for Sunday’s and please don’t do it in the left lane. Leave that lane open for people that actually want to drive and get to their destination today rather than some time next week.
Until next time, remember, I hate all of you equally.