As many of the TV ads suggest, I usually try to get as much fibre as I can. I usually eat a big bowl of Mini-Wheats in the morning to get me off right (there is another way that can get me off right, but I wont get into those sticky details right now).

Anyway, as this is stirring in my stomach, I usually follow it up with a cup of ‘social’ coffee at around 9:30-10:00am. It’s called a ‘social’ coffee because I don’t really drink coffee, but since everybody in my office does drink, I tend to have one in order to go down to the coffee place with everybody in my unit and be somewhat social.

 

kellogs2005_01.jpg (Helps keep Yoda regular too!)

Mini-Wheats and coffee don’t sound like those explosive substances that have been recently banned on airlines, but they should. Many of you know that fibre can’t be digested and is quite the potent laxative, which is why your parents and grandparents have bottles of Metamucil on their counters. Coffee, for those that don’t know, is also quite a powerful laxative. Can you see where I’m going with this hearty mixture in my stomach?

To the bathroom is where I usually run off to, and you’ll usually find me in there at around 10:30-11:00am. Everything is fine until I realized that the building stocks it’s bathrooms with 1ply toilet paper.

  

This is a pretty big piss off as I’m sure many can attest. When wiping, there is absolutely zero absorption so if you wipe too quickly or with too much gusto expect the incidence of shit on your hand to increase exponentially. This is never fun especially when you are at work or in a public place (i.e. restaurant or dentist).

When a restaurant has 1ply TP, you can probably draw conclusions that: 1) they probably also cut corners on the quality of the food in order to save a few pennies, and 2) they don’t give a ‘shit’, literally and figuratively, about you and your comfort.

Over the past century workers have fought and have died for workers rights, and that’s why today there are rights and laws that ensure minimum wage, a safe work environment, and health benefits. But all those martyrs of the working class have died in vain since most of us have to wipe our asses with 1ply TP at work.

I really think that 1ply TP is stupid and should be banned. There is really no point to having it anywhere. People might argue that “It’s cheaper than the other types of TP and companies need to cut costs as much as they can in non-essential areas so they can be profitable”. WHATEVER! They went on the ‘cheap’ when building the Challenger spaceship and look what happened there. Moreover, my ass is an essential area, so don’t give me that crap!

 

-Vince-